Thursday, July 23, 2009

First One Here, First one there...Becoming

Hey everyone. I'm migrating over here from My Space from my small, intimate audience who have heard my everyday trials and have stood by me and given me support and comments.
Let me tell you a little bit about me. I dream the impossible dream. There, I said it. Now that being said it, I'm going for it, full out. No one ever said this was going to be easy but I'm making my dreams come true a little bit at a time.
I'm a writer/director/actress.
I write plays, fiction, screenplays and well... whatever I want.
I think I can write anything-- except maybe a news story. I tried in college, hats off to news writers, I'm afraid I am hopeless without my juicy adjectives, and I am afraid my skills were sorely tested trying to stay in the lines of just the facts. Okay, I admit it, I am an embellisher, you may as well know that going in.
I can't seem to help myself sometimes.
It's the truth, only with glowing globes of interesting details that make it all seem shiny.
Below is one of my early posts on My Space, I cannot pinpoint the exact moment where thing changed but I do believe they have. Here is my first vision of what I wanted.

Monday, June 04, 2007
The Vision

Current mood: optimistic
Category: Writing
I'm taking some time out to think about my life and have begun to dedicate time to dealing with my own dreams and taking control of things and not being lazy, frightened and avoidant.I have now officially begun the process of stepping out and putting my work out there, although I haven't sent anything anywhere, yet. I now have a list and have different categories in my head and I'm actually really excited about it.That is because the rejection letters have not begun to come in yet!Still, I feel very optimistic NOW because I know that I am better than I have ever been and I am beginning to have a plan.Things I have been missing for years: Being my own life coach!Treating my dream like a job until it becomes one!As I was describing my long and checkered college experience to my former English teacher, I was really beginning to understand how far I had come from where I began.Ironically, no one regards me as a screw up anymore but a mentor. I guess making all those mistakes really paid off (ha!)I had to learn the hard way in some ways but what I really learned was never give up your dream. Line from Flashdance "If you give up your dream, you die."
I saw that movie when I was...15?And I thought, I will never give up my dream and then two short years later, I was considering it, resigning myself to it as silly...or having it beat out of me, maybe a little of both.But somewhere deep in there, somewhere I nurtured it, gave myself permission to keep it. So now I don't have to be idealistic but realistic. It's a part of me and it isn't going away and every time I try, I get to experience a piece of it.So, here is to the next phase...

Ok, so I wrote that two years ago and the miracle of that is I actually stuck to it, after so many disappointments and setbacks (and I know there will be more) I'm actually doing things that I dreamed of doing, instead of losing momentum, I am gaining it.
Next month, I will be beginning the process of auditioning for the short film that I wrote and will be directing. This is a huge step in the right direction for me. I just had my first piece (a trailer) in the St. Louis Film Maker's Showcase and I have moved forward from there to my next project. I'm shopping a feature film in Hollywood-
The Vision is becoming.

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