17 Day Diet Day One
by Vanessa Roman on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 1:23am
Okay, I'm not usually a fan of doing things like this, writing about a diet, but I was asked to, and I have seen others doing it to keep themselves accountable so I am going to give it a shot.
I got the book a couple weeks ago but decided to start after Easter, after all the chocolate was out of the house. So today was the first day.Yesterday we went shopping and got a lot of fruits and vegetables and lean proteins.
The first thing my husband said was "I think I'm going to get more out of this diet than you are."
He will. He's right. The biggest challenge is that I am a ridiculously picky eater and I'm used to having my way.
Some of you know this about me, some don't. I've only been overweight for about five years. Before that, I was skinny girl. I was underweight for most of my life, after Marissa was born thirteen years ago, I moved into a normal range of weight, then I gained about 20 more than I was comfortable with and dieted my way down again to a happy weight. I weighed 130 when I got married. I am 5'8. Before I had Isabella five years ago, I had never weighed more than 150 pounds. Usually that meant I was nine months pregnant-
I was about 130 when I got pregnant with Isabella. That was the highest pre-pregnancy weight I had ever been. Usually I was about 105 starting weight. So when I gained 45 pounds, it was more than I had ever weighed before. I knew something was different and wrong with this pregnancy- and for the last few months, I was pretty much only about to get up and go to the bathroom and go back to sitting down. I couldn't walk any distances or do anything strenuous. If I stood up for longer than ten minutes, I got weak and dizzy.
Now I will tell you this, I never exercised but I always had very physical jobs and led an active lifestyle.
After I gave birth, I could barely make it to the end of my driveway without getting winded. I began walking a little further every day at about six weeks after the baby. Slowly, my strength came back, but I noticed the weight was not coming off. I did not try to diet while I was breastfeeding, just tried to eat very healthy. Still, exercise and healthy eating made no difference.
After about a year, I knew there was a problem, I knew something was wrong and I joined the YMCA and began the battle in earnest, working out regularly and eating properly. I made some small strides at one point and lost some weight, started to feel better, but I couldn't maintain it. It was like I was walking through mud, I had to fight extra hard to lose even one pound. If I let go of the vigilance for a second, I was right back where I started. Then for no explicable reason, I began to gain weight randomly.
I knew this was not the body I had grown up with. Everyone said "you aren't working hard enough." or "you're getting older." After nearly three years of the struggle, I went to the doctor and my thyroid was tested at MY insistance. It confirmed everything for me- my thyroid was slow. As soon as I went on the medication, I felt better. I lost about fifteen pounds- worked my ass off and felt better but regulating a slow thyroid is a process- it takes time to get in right. I am tested every six months to see how it is working, and the first year, I had to up the dosage twice.
Finally, it appeared to be working. I lost a little and managed to maintain it for a bit of time.
But I was exhausted with the fight. I gave up my expensive gym membership and gave up counting calories and just gave up. I'm spoiled. I have never had to do this. I resent it. I had all those years of not being consumed with everything I put in my mouth and now I am obssessed with it. I don't want to look like this. Every part of me is profoundly uncomfortable.I don't know who I am any more at this weight. But I refuse to stay at home feeling sorry for myself and I refuse to give up. I have spent the last six months giving up and letting go of myself. I have gained back that fifteen pounds and I hate it. I hate looking in the mirror. The joy of shopping is completely gone. I hate the way I look in pictures, I won't even think about acting in a film, the thought of seeing myself is just devastating. Today, I found pictures of me at my wedding shower and I looked so good.
I want to get there again. I'm just not a quitter. I can't let this thing beat me up like that. I want desperately to be back in control of my weight again.
So the first day. I would like some chocolate and I would like some cheddar cheese but otherwise, it is not that bad. I have no idea what I am supposed to snack on so I just had three regular meals-
2 eggs for breakfast, a mixed greens salad with feta cheese, an apple, and a tablespoon of olive oil dressing for lunch and dinner was a turkey burger(no bun) with green beans and spinach and a tablesoon of greek yogurt- for dessert I had five red grapes instead of chocolate. I drank two cups of green tea and eight glasses of water-
I was kind of hungry in the evening so I had a spoon of peanut butter. Then I found out I wasn't supposed to have that. Eh, I will figure out acceptable snacks tomorrow-