Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 14

John and I have done pretty well resisting most things- but we have had a real trial this week. This is normally the week of spoiling and indulgences. Mother's day. My birthday. Marissa's birthday. Mother's day I really wanted CAKE. But I stayed on the diet. Until my son brought home Pizza Hut pizza for me.

Now, he hadn't even realized that we were dieting- and I was really touched. Normally this would be a great gesture- honestly it was touching that he remembered and did something sweet. I had not planned on it but I ate one single piece. Moderation.

Damn it was good. I did not have five more pieces. Then of course, John went and got a piece. I said "The problem with one piece of pizza is you always want more than one."

He laughed. I began to cook myself a healthy dinner so I wouldn't be hungry for more pizza. I look over and John is putting another piece in his mouth.

He looks at me and says "I thought you meant that was okay?" Sigh. Why do I always have to be the bad guy? Wasn't it Mother's day? Am I now his damn mother too? He couldn't be happy with one piece of pizza that wasn't even meant for him?

So he put it down- it takes so little to corrupt him- but I know he has strength- I just hate that he acts like a little kid in a candy jar and I don't want to be in the role of hand slapping. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own diet. At this point, I had planned to strategically cheat- I had already decided I was eating some cake on my birthday. Seems only fair!

I knew my mother was making either my cake or Marissa's cake and that was something to look forward to. Moderation is the key to this- I'm not recommending cheating. But I am saying one piece of cake is not going to blow it.

I have never been an over-eater. I didn't feel in danger or eating a whole cake. What I do have is total self control before six pm. Somehow those evening hours kill me. I used to just go and get two cookies- and then like ten minutes later I would get three cookies, then like an hour later I would get one more cookie- not really sure that is moderation-

So two days after Mother's Day John brings home six chocolate covered strawberries. I was livid.

Aren't you on the same diet I am? What's going on?

He says- you made me feel guilty for not doing enough on Mother's Day (Isabella was really sick that weekend and he usually takes the girls shopping but because of activities and illness the best laid plans fell apart)

I said - first, I was teasing you- second- you brought home the thing that sabotages me. I pointed out he could have brought home any other lovely present that did not involve food. Now, I felt if I rejected the present, I was rejecting him. We had a very long talk about sabotage and things. You know, it's not like the majority of what we give one another is food based. I don't even know where this was coming from but it was a long and good talk ultimately about respect and all of that- which honestly there is a lot of in my marriage but every now and then something stupid like this comes up.

I ate one strawberry (I know, I shouldn't have- it was a compromise of sorts) but I gave all the rest to the kids to get rid of them. They did not complain.

On my birthday I stayed on the diet for all the meals. I had one piece of cake and one cookie. It was really not so bad at all. My mother made the cake and we left most of it at her house and what we brought home, the kids ate quickly-

Now came Marissa's birthday. That was a real challenge because I was baking.

I have to say this- without any sort of modesty.

I bake amazing home made things. They are really good. I am damn good at it. No boxed mixes for me. I make it all. So it is some loving labor in the kitchen.

Now it started out fine- Marissa wanted a version of a strawberry shortcake birthday cake. So I doubled the recipe for hot milk sponge cake and cut up real strawberries. I made a butter cream frosting and then I decided to blend real strawberries into the frosting.

Okay, I have a fourteen year old and by definition, that means bratty. Even though she wanted this whole strawberry cake, she started pouting about the frosting having strawberries in it. She wanted white frosting. I told her I was going to blend whipped cream in it to make it very light.

Okay- there ensued tears and all that went with it and since it was her birthday, we compromised to a small layer of frosting- I had to. You can't just stick strawberries in the middle of a cake with nothing to stick to. Teenagers do not believe in the laws of physics but I have made enough cakes to know it was not going to work!

So NOW I have a whole bowl of frosting.

I refuse to waste a whole bowl of home made frosting.

Marissa had a class trip to Chicago coming up so I made three dozen cupcakes with chocolate chips in them and added cream cheese to the butter cream to thicken it up. Then I put colored sprinkles on top of them. They looked amazing :) John brought home a doughnut box from Schnucks to put it in and we put all the cupcakes aside.

Okay- this took me all day. I am very, very, very sure that I burned some calories doing it. And you know what? The cook gets to taste it. Did I mention how very difficult it is to make frosting without getting some on your fingers and being forced by the laws of nature to lick it off?

So I ate ONE cupcake and one piece of birthday cake. It is so hard to only eat one cupcake.

And I gave away a quarter of the birthday cake to my neighbors with some cupcakes- and another quarter of the cake went to my mother's house- and that left Marissa with some of her own.

I cannot be doing this baking every day- all those baking calories are not going to add up to losing anything if I keep licking that delicious frosting. But here it is.

I am back on track. Marissa took all those cupcakes with her to Chicago and there is one cupcake left in the fridge- pretty sure it has Isabella's name on it.

I should mention the good stuff, right? I have begun exercising in Stacy Park. John and I are taking our twenty minute walks around the track in the park. It's lovely.

John has lost ten pounds. I have lost eight. In spite of the cake!

Next I will tell you about the PMS exception.... stay tuned.

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