Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hurt feelings

Okay, this is going to be me kvetching and complaining but I really don't get it.
I have been UN- friended on facebook by my sister in law and my niece on my husbands side. I kind of get the niece- she's 19 and off at her first year of college and perhaps she doesn't want me in her intimate group but the sister in law has officially hurt my feelings. Maybe it's my politics, maybe it is her best friend that I despise but my husband has her on his facebook friend list, so what is the purpose there? I tolerate her best friend and simply don't speak to her.
I've got reason to hate her. it's quite a story. I'll tell it later.
This is just disappointing. I was with John for ten years before we got married and in that whole time, there was a piece of me that felt like an outsider- not that anyone ever said anything REALLY- a couple subtle things from one sister- side of the mouth remarks- and I get it, sort of.
When you aren't married, you can walk away clean, the fact of the matter was, the child was all mine legally, and if I had broken up with him, walked away, it would have been an ugly court battle and likely he would have lost since he never really established rights to begin with-
Also, I was just the girlfriend, the outsider with the three kids-
And I would say that I was treated very well. I believe my mother in law and my father in law have always loved me and treated me as a part of the family, and his family has always been ostensibly very good to me- but when we married I felt actually a part of this family. I actually felt a shift in perception, a comfort in the connection and a permission to get closer to my sisters in law.
My mother in law and I are actually very close- I think she understands me in a unique way perhaps the rest of them don't- but after she divorced my husband's father, she had a long term relationship with a man she never married and only someone who has been there and been there with kids really gets that.
Now I fear this was all in my head with the sisters in law- there are still family events which exclude us on their side of the country and I fear that I am gathering evidence to support my claim. I fear that there is a divide I am a part of and I don't like it.
Some of it is drawn on party lines- oh the irony of being politically aligned with my mother in law but not her daughters.
So I have done the unspeakable, the unthinkable, the socially inappropriate. I have confronted the situation and asked the question- why have you unfriended me? We'll see what happens now.


Contra Yogini said...

Vanessa, have you posed this question exclusively on your blog or have you inquired privately as well? Regardless, I think you shouldn't extrapolate too much from the unfriending. Facebook is simply social networking - not "real life," as it were. If she wanted to cut you out of her daily life, I think she would probably keep you as a FB friend simply to maintain the peace and just hide your postings from her wall. But maybe I'm completely off base. I don't know her so...

Good luck with this. I hope all is resolved amicably :)

VanessaMRR said...

I hope it is amicable, too. Nah, she doesn't read my blog, I emailed her and asked her point blank what the deal was.
You are right. Facebook is not real life. I should know that.