Quiet

Okay, so I have been quiet here for a while. I haven't quite figured out what I can say and what I cannot say. I feel right now I am caught between two egos. I need things for my film and it's always like someone is trying to talk me into something.
At one point I was asked what it was that I wanted and I was like, you know what? I can't remember because all I can hear is you telling me what you want- on both sides. I spend so much time trying not to get bullied. Make up your mind guys. Do you hate the fact that people try to bully me or that I won't let you do it? Can't have it both ways cause you bully in a more subtle, palatable, less noticable way.
I hate the giant game of manipulation all the time. I hate that I have to manipulate back. Why is it so much work to get the prelimiaries out of the way. I produce myself so that I can keep creative control, but people still try to push you around. I like collaboration. I hate bullshit.
So I have been quiet because I don't know what to say. I'm scared, I'm ambitious and I am desperate to get things done well. That is really all I want to do is get things done well.
At some point, things should be less difficult, right?
I know that there is probably a point to the suffering. It teaches me, right?
I have pushed my shoot dates up one month because of all this crap. I hate it, but it had to be done. At this point, I am grateful for more time. I need it.
The other thing that is going on is that we have finally reached an agreement on the house. We have a purchase price, we have a loan officer, we have finished negotiating over who pays for what.
We begin signing contracts this week. I guess the best part is we don't have to move. We're buying the house we live in.