Sunday, July 11, 2010

Update from the brink of...

For those that are curious about the unfriending situation. It's a sad state of events but I am trying to remember- this is the real world and the facebook world is not real, thank you, Jennifer for reminding me of that.
So, it goes like this. My husband actually grew a spine for a minute and asked his sister a point blank question about the rude unfriending and she admitted it was more or less my politics that offended her and she also said she cycles through people. Which I don't exactly believe but I kind of believe at that same time.
I really wanted to be friends with her- but in the real world, I'm not ever going to be. I'm someone thrust into her family that she has no real obligation to. She loves her brother and maybe has a moderate like for me but that is realistically all it will ever be.
Yep, I tried- but an even more rabid liberal than I is on her friend list- sigh- it is what it is.
But I am realizing little by little as I navigate this online world- this new territory that it really is not the real world.
A few months ago, I ran into a guy I knew fairly socially from Media Communications group and sometime several months ago, he had requested my friendship on facebook. I knew who he was and I accepted. Then I saw him at an event and I said "Hi, how are you?" and he behaved as if he didn't know me. Forgot my name.
I reminded him I'd been his facebook friend for months- he said "Oh, when did you request me?"
Dude, really???
I realize some people in the pursuit of upping the friend number will just friend anyone, I don't always have substance or rhyme or reason why I friend someone but I don't actually forget who they are. I friend on instinct, I reject those I don't know unless something really cool is revealed about that person, usually a friend of a friend or some connection. Yes, I even have a feeling about people online as if things seep through those typed words. But in light of many difficulties lately, and the same old nastinesses rearing their ugly heads- I have to give some thought to WHO is my real friend, who I want to stay my acquaintance and who is poisonous.
So- this revelation, and in light of the fact that I have had to go through massive misunderstandings and vicious un-friendings and the accusations of drama have flown- I'm giving serious consideration to the pruning everyone else does so casually.
I take it seriously. I'm not even sure why I do when clearly NO ONE else does. Many people have admitted to regularly pruning their friend list as if they were snipping pesky branches out of their front yard that were obstructing their view.
These are people- there are feelings involved. I have an obligation to be decent and true to myself and a kind person who is honest. Sometimes the two don't go together. After all, it is my friends I rely on to tell me the truth- yes you look fat in that-
I rely on my friends to help me with life lessons and help me think about things more deeply- and be a better person. And these people that think I'm not, well- they truly don't know me. I have sometimes been misunderstood when I call out injustice or champion the underdog.
I think these misunderstandings come from not knowing who I am- and not being willing to listen to reason. If your world view only exists with those who agree with you, it's a tiny world indeed.

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