tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post2092107446812330008..comments2022-11-16T09:05:22.593-06:00Comments on I am Inspired: Time spent in the Single Mom worldInspired Vanessahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11267599824573875688noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post-88591611987203143162016-02-02T23:33:50.822-06:002016-02-02T23:33:50.822-06:00I had the audacity to not accept the shame people ...I had the audacity to not accept the shame people want to heap on me. Much to their chagrin. I am shameless in the way I flout the unnecessary shame.Inspired Vanessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11267599824573875688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post-74898343728429090512016-02-02T10:46:59.575-06:002016-02-02T10:46:59.575-06:00A wise person told me long ago that most often, th...A wise person told me long ago that most often, those who must shame others are those most protective of their own egos, their own appearances and most in need of perhaps deflection from any perceived transgressions. My brother, to his dying day, will carry the shame of causing the accident that nearly killed me at age two and for which I spent two years at Duke University Hospital. Where was the shame towards our mother - the parent who left a toddler to wander the yard alone, with a ten year old who took his eyes off me for less than five minutes? We both grew up with toxic levels of shame - me, always, blaming myself for having been stupid to pick up a bottle in the garage and drink the contents, and he for having run up to his treehouse to check on something while I wandered away. The real tragedy was in our mother's willingness to allow us to claim that burden and carry it - he for nearly seventy years and me for nearly sixty. Of course, it would not be the first or only shame added to the Laocoon embrace of every mistake I - or we - have ever made and some of them have been 'doozies'. Why, where this need comes from when others take up the shame stick and wave it at us ten, twenty, thirty, fifty years down the line? To what purpose? To what effect? My God - I think of your story and the myriad friends, acquaintances and loved ones I've known over the years whose similar stories ended in tragedies - drug abuse, suicide, imprisonment - and worse. Is there no joy whatsoever in the realization that you not only weathered the careless decisions of a child - yes a child, even though we know it all in that invincible vacuum of reason from fifteen to twenty - who was acting out for love and acceptance? Guilt - I have to give a rueful giggle at the Catholic church comment- my brother is a retired US Navy Commander - a Roman Catholic Chaplain, ordained at twenty eight. A recovering (for over thirty years) cocaine addict and alcoholic who turned his life utterly around, ministering to people the world over, comforting and supporting countless numbers, usually at the very worst 'dark night of the soul' moments, saved lives (literally) and who tirelessly still gives his life every single day to the care of the people ministers to. What sort of person would ever look at this great, good man, point a finger and bring up the mistakes of those decades so long past? Which brings me to your 'now' and where you find yourself. I read your story and am flabbergasted, thinking of my own weak, cowardly nature and I shudder to think of how I would have survived; not only survived but raised healthy, happy children, then gone on to finish school and begin to develop the talents you had to submerge for so long in the honest and noble cause of caring for your family. Could there be a jealousy? Perhaps your finding - or rather - being able to finally give voice to your bliss at this time in your life - is causing others to look back over the years, considering about their own lives with a bit of bitter nostalgia? Being unable to criticize the events of the present, they look back at the past? While we share many acquaintances, I don't truly know you or your family and guess I'm guilty of hubris in making comment at all - but still - the subject of guilt and shame is certainly within my area of expertise as well. Shake that dust from your feet and move on. TimshelBowlingTrophyWifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05472326773040941433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post-64069220649272644302016-02-02T10:25:22.341-06:002016-02-02T10:25:22.341-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.BowlingTrophyWifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05472326773040941433noreply@blogger.com