tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post1323709867178053880..comments2022-11-16T09:05:22.593-06:00Comments on I am Inspired: QuitterInspired Vanessahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11267599824573875688noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post-41749288917471884632015-12-02T19:31:21.427-06:002015-12-02T19:31:21.427-06:00Struggling with that same issue right now and it s...Struggling with that same issue right now and it stymies me - we grew up with a three pack a day smoker. Mom started in her late twenties and smoked her last cigarette on the day she died, December 31st, 2007. The last time I saw her was a visit to her apartment, three weeks earlier and it was all I could do to stay with her without losing my mind. On oxygen, wearing a pacemaker, nearly blind - she was up to four packs a day. When we went in to try to sort through the apartment four days later, everything reeked. We packed up her things and put them in storage - my brother was living in Guam, I was in St. Louis and it would be nearly three years before those belongings saw the light of day. In 2010 when the door was raised on our storage unit, the odor was unbelievable - pillows, furniture, comforters - everything. That's the power of this damned addiction. I know full well what it does to the human body - watched Mom's decline over a period of 15 years, first into COPD, then full blown emphysema, early to late stage heart disease, oxygen tanks, heart attacks, congestive heart failure and the insertion of a pace-maker. Nothing even brought her close to quitting - not the vicious arguments with our father, during our lifetime, not being pregnant and raising two children, not the pets who died of cancer (I'll always believe our dogs to have been horribly affected, dying relatively early) - and for whatever horrible reason(s) it wasn't the smoking that killed her. For a long time, I thought i'd dodged the bullet of that particular addiction. At thirty, following a harrowing divorce, I took up nicotine for a few years, then quit for ten - simply cutting it out cold turkey and believing wholeheartedly that I was done. Like you, I detest the odor of cigarette smoke, loathe waking every morning with breath that reeks like the bottom of a parrot's cage. I handled a lot of stress without using alcohol, drugs or cigarettes and in my line of work as a 911 dispatcher and report editor, began to feel a bit smug about my ability to perform competently and with the necessary detachment to write about horrific events day after day. I don't know what the actual catalyst was that had me reaching for cigarettes again but it began with Mom's last descent into physical/mental illness in 2005 and her suicide in 2007. It literally seemed to occur overnight - and I was soon back up to two packs a day. While I have always had little sympathy in the past for those who blamed their addictions on a partner, it didn't help that my then domestic relationship was with a three-pack a day user; so much for smugness. I ditched the partner two and a half years ago but haven't been able to let go of the cigarettes. I'm down to a pack a week - actually quit entirely for two months until last month - I don't want to go into the details. I'm at the point where I realize that I"m merely looking for excuses - a hangnail would have me lighting up. I also don't want to cop to the "addiction runs in my family" and abuse factor, either - addiction runs rampant - I've a sibling 38 years sober from cocaine and alcohol. At the age of 55, I'm tired of pointing backwards at 'that' cause or 'that' event and looking for reason(s) to hurt myself and as I said at the start, I'm stymied, this 'need' despite all the intellectual understanding in the world and years of therapy - this need to continue to damage myself. I've dodged other bullets - for 55 years old, I've no real physical complaints and my blood pressure, heart rate and etc are terrific but I know the "Gods" probably won't beam down on me for much longer. I applaud your letting go of it and take to heart the idea of allowing the substance to control my actions- Tonight, I had my last one. I do not intend to kid myself by grandly announcing that I've quit for good - I merely have to get through this night. <br />BowlingTrophyWifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05472326773040941433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5274935109810298997.post-68817581128799647992015-06-10T04:44:40.895-05:002015-06-10T04:44:40.895-05:00Hi I held you're words for a moment, "you...Hi I held you're words for a moment, "you never let anyone boss you around like cigarettes did". I see how I am Marlboros bitch, I want so much to imagine existing without them, I dont want to smell bad, but really I want those tiny blood vessels that carry fresh blood to my bodies joints to be able to do just that. I don't want to be the reason or cause of my misery. I want so much to find this path you tread so many years ago and I want to be rid of the desire to pollute my vessel for a fix. Thank you for writing this. Where are you I see no posts in 2015? Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01913919053924784426noreply@blogger.com